Why This Family Therapist Doesn’t Want To Raise “Obedient” Kids

When I reflect on why there is a part of me that values “following the rules,” it’s because I interpret the lack of it as a reflection on me or my parenting. For example, if my kids don’t say “thank you,” on some level I believe people will think that I haven’t taught them how to be thankful humans. I’ve done enough self-work to think critically about this and maintain both connection and separateness from my children; however, if unchecked it’s easy to have a narcissistic investment in our kids.